Closure

     I'm afraid that today marks the last time I will be posting on this wonderful blog. For all my readers, I thank you for listening to my depressing, happy, and expressive blog posts! I hope that music has and will inspire you for all of your life. As I said at the end of my first post, music can say what you otherwise cannot, so let it.

See the Sun; The Kooks

Goodnight My Angel, Now It's Time To Sleep

Goodnight My Angel; Billy Joel

Goodnight my angel, time to close your eyes

And save these questions for another day
I think I know what you've been asking me
I think you know what I've been trying to say
I promised I would never leave you
Then you should always know
Wherever you may go, no matter where you are
I never will be far away

Goodnight my angel, now it's time to sleep
And still so many things I want to say
Remember all the songs you sang for me
When we went sailing on an emerald bay
And like a boat out on the ocean
I'm rocking you to sleep
The water's dark and deep, inside this ancient heart
You'll always be a part of me

Goodnight my angel, now it's time to dream
And dream how wonderful your life will be
Someday your child may cry, and if you sing this lullaby
Then in your heart there will always be a part of me
Someday we'll all be gone
But lullabies go on and on
They never die
That's how you and I will be

     One month ago to this day, on Christmas, my PopPop passed at a little after one o'clock. His importance to me, and the amount I loved him, are just things I can't even put into words. When he died, I was at a loss for where to turn. I felt so empty, yet my heart and mind felt so heavy with sadness. I heard this song at acoustic night at camp, and I had thought of it when I was hurting. I would listen to these lines on repeat over and over; "I promised I would never leave you, then you should always know, wherever you may go, no matter where you are, I never will be far away. Goodnight my angel now it's time to sleep, and still so many things I want to say." Everything I was feeling was right here in these six lines. I didn't want him to leave me, I just wanted to imagine that he would be there to beam at me with his cute, little smile. I wanted him to be able to see me grow, and to see what I do in life. He was always my greatest supporter. I decided that I wanted to write him a eulogy, and these lines from the song were the beginning of it. Read it if you would like, you can get a better understanding of our relationship.
     One of the things that I felt was most difficult for me to accept, was that I would never see him again. I wanted to believe that he would be able to watch over me and see me grow up. Being a Jew I've been taught that he would be going to heaven, and he would be able to do all those things like watch over me. I used those ideas as a crutch in my days of mourning. I realized how much of a security blanket religion really is. It is used so people can justify what they can't know, because the thought of not knowing what comes next is terrifying to most people. Knowing this was difficult, because as much as I truly wanted to believe that he wasn't just gone, I just pictured the truth being his eyes closing, his heart stopping, and his life ending, no more and no less. It was unimaginable the pain that his death would truly cause me. If only I could have stayed naive, and PopPop could have stayed here with me.
     The sour tear streaming down my face while writing this, reminds me of the sound of his laughter and the image of his smile. I really don't think that it has fully sunk in that I can never see little Herbie Gross again, but I worry that once I do the memories will subside. I wish I could share one more memory with him, but I guess his last words to me will have to be enough to hold me over for, well... forever.

Eulogy to Herbert Gross

And you should always know
Wherever you may go
No matter where you are
I never will be far away

Goodnight, my angel
Now it's time to sleep
And still so many things I want to say

     My PopPop was and is truly special, a little man with a heart as big as the sea. He was so funny and so sweet. His personality was just natural and fun. He loved to tell us stories. Most of the time it had to do with a urinal in Michael’s Diner, but sometimes he would tell us his stories from the war. All these stories make wonderful memories for me. As I was sitting down to write this so many different memories came to mind and I wanted to share them all. But I realized I didn’t get thirteen years to share. My PopPop and I never shared bad memories, except for when we would have to say goodbye. But even at those times, I knew that wasn’t the end of our smiles and laughter. And that’s what I have to think about now. Although we shared our final goodbye, I know that our smiles will not subside, for he will watch over me and I will look up at him, and we will miss each other, but we will smile.

     I continue to remember the fun times that Pops and I had. One especially was when I was only seven or eight and I was over at Nana and PopPop’s house down on Rosedale Road. They had decided that they wanted to teach me a song that Nana could accompany me on over the piano. It was What Kind Of Fool Am I, by Frank Sinatra. The little grin on his face as I sang that song made me beam with pride. There was something about Poppop’s little smile that was contagious. I still remember that song and even some of the lyrics. PopPop was never a sullen man, so as much as I am sad over losing him, the memories I have of him make me happy. He had that contagious effect whenever you saw him. If PopPop was happy, you couldn’t help but being happy.

     On Friday, I went to see my poppop because I knew he was not doing well. He had been sleeping when I arrived, but a few minutes after, he had woken up. Even though he was very out of it he looked at me once and said, “Sammy, my sweet little Sammy.” That was the last time he woke up while I was there, and that is the greatest thing that could be my last memory of him. PopPop was so supportive of whatever I did. He would hobble his way to every show I had, and he made it to every Grandparents Day possible. He loved his family, couldn’t get enough of us. You could tell his day just got so bright when you walked in and he gave you a big hug and a kiss. I wish I could give him one right now… or even just again…

     I love my PopPop. He is such an important man to me. And I believe I was to him. And I wish he could see me grow. And I wish he could see what I do in life. And I wish I could have him here again. I will forever and always have him in my heart, in my mind, and a part of me. Goodnight my angel, now it’s time to sleep.

Who Are We But Time Thieves?

Love Affair; Copland

Easy Beat; Dr. Dog

     Today I picked two songs that are very different, but have similar meanings. Love Affair, the song on the top, is one of my absolute favorites. It has a beautiful piano arrangement with Copeland's lead singer giving me the chills every time I listen. In the chorus he sings, "Just let me run where I want to run. Just let me love who I want." The simplest words that make up this verse, speak so many things to me at once. I'll get into them later though. The second song, Easy Beat, is a newer song to me, but it's more of a fun song and has lyrics that say to me, "I have one life, so I'm going to live it!" That is something always important to me, and that is what today's blog is going to be based around.

     There is nothing that I hate more, than people who try to stop you from living your life to the fullest. I see it every day, and whether you know it or not, you do as well. It comes up everywhere in politics. The biggest example is gay rights. How can a nation that has progressed so far, still not fully allow gay rights? These men and women are discriminated against everyday by their government, while all they really are asking, is to be respected equally, and to be allowed to marry one another so they can be who they want to be. Tell me, who are we to stop these people from spending the rest of their lives with whom they want to, just because they are both of the same sex? Just let them love who they want.

     The first lines in Easy Beat are my favorite: "It's an easy beat of nothing and we don't need no guitars. We can run and sing and wreak our cars. Be careful of the judge inside." When I hear this part of the song, I think of a group of friends, just making their own music, and being free with no care in the world. The part that says, "Be careful of the judge inside," I think is rhetorical. Almost like saying screw whoever is judging you. It makes me really upset when I see a person that isn't living their life how they want. I can always tell when a person is just imagining the things they could do, and the fun they could have. I have realized very early on in my life that every moment is precious, and I just want to scream it in their faces! Go DO the things you only dream about! Go BE that person you wish you could be! (While staying original) Anyone reading this who isn't living how they would like, please listen, because life is too important to let pass us.

     If you live to eighty, you have 42,048,000 precious minutes in your life. Start savoring them at 13, and you can still have 35,215,200 to conquer.

A Life of Possibly Maybes

Falling in Love At a Coffee Shop; Landon Pigg

I think that possibly
Maybe I've fallen for you
Yes there's a chance
That I've fallen quite hard over you

I've seen the paths that your eyes wander down
I wanna come too-

I think that possibly
Maybe I've fallen for you

No one understands me
Quite like you do
Through all of the shadowy corners of me

I never knew just what it was
About the same coffee shop I love so much
All of the while I never knew-

I never knew just what it was
About this old coffee shop I love so much
All of the while I never knew-

I think that possibly
Maybe I've fallen for you
Yes, there's a chance
That I've fallen quite hard over you

I've seen the waters that make your eyes shine
Now I'm shining too-

Because, oh because
I've fallen quite hard over you

If I didn't know you, I'd rather not know
If I couldn't have you, I'd rather be alone

I never knew just what it was
About the same coffee shop I love so much
All of the while I never knew-

I never knew just what it was
About this old coffee shop I love so much
All of the while I never knew-

All of the while
All of the while, it was you
You-
You-
You-

     Hearing this song and not falling in love with it is possibly, maybe a crime. Aside from Landon Pigg's incredible voice, the lyrics and the music are truly breath taking. I think this video is so sweet, and I love the idea of being able to stop time so we can say things we otherwise can't. To me the song is about encountering fate with another person. I don't know exactly if I believe in fate, but I know I believe that not every decision in our lives are our choice.

     I decided I wanted to get in touch more with what other people thought about fate, so I could figure out what I, myself, really thought. I asked three of my friends on their opinions. Ben explained that he didn't believe in fate, thinking that our own actions directly influence what will happen to us next. This idea was interesting, I always just thought that I believed in something when it came to fate, but never thought I didn't believe in it altogether. Thinking about it though, this does seem the most practical. Is it silly for me to believe that there's a force known as fate that has already made all of my decisions? Saying it like that it totally does, but how else can one describe it?

     Another one of my friends was in between, but had a clear view of what she believes. She believes that a person can make decisions that evolve into their fate. In other words, she was saying that we have different paths and we get to choose them, but not necessarily what is at the end of those paths. I liked thinking of it this way because it was not just an, "I don't know I'm in the middle," but it was a clearly thought out point of view. In the beginning of the year I wrote a little essay saying, "I believe in fate, meaning that we choose which road to take, but not the road blocks ahead." This basically is saying the same thing as her. I think I still believe this, but as I said before, am I being silly believing that I don't have full control over my life?

     I got one more opinion from another of my friends, and hers just happened to be another completely different opinion. Jessie fully believed in fate. She said, "I think that everything happens for a reason, and let's say if two people meet at a certain place or time, it's not an accident; I think it means something." I think that this makes a lot of sense. Do we meet our best friends and lovers by chance? Could everything in our lives happen with no hidden intentions?
     Well I guess this made me more confused instead of helping me figure out what I thought. I think based on all these different ideas, I lean most toward what I thought in the beginning of the year. Similar to my friend Alessandra, fate seems like it has two ends to it; the end where you decide, and the end following that, where you have no control.

Awful Sweet To Be a Little Butterfly

Don't Do Sadness/Blue Wind; Spring Awakening

     Spring Awakening is the most beautiful, most incredible, most chilling musical I have ever seen. The story takes place in the late 19th century in Germany, as teenagers discover themselves and their sexuality. Don't Do Sadness/Blue Wind is my favorite song from the musical, though every song is almost equally amazing. I decided to pick a musical theatre song today, because I realized that it would be wrong for me to have a blog about music and not include one being the avid theatre guy that I am. Let's talk theatre, shall we?
     When I was younger, I used to have a little cassette player that had a microphone so I could record myself singing. I loved that thing. I sang my own little songs and loved music even then. I decided that since I loved singing, and since I was a piece of work, musical theatre would be just splendid for me. Since then, I have been a devout triple threat. One of my first musicals that I was in was when I was 6 or 7 years old, and played Jaq in Cinderella. My debut performance was far from my last, and I like to think that ever since then I have contributed to the musical theatre world in a beautiful way.
     Anyway, I think one of the reasons that theatre is so exciting to me, is that I get to become somebody new. I love preparing for parts, and getting to imagine how my role would act, feel, or present themselves. It's always really exciting getting to delve into this world where suddenly I feel that I am living some one else's life. Being able to portray those emotions that your character feels is the hardest part, but the feeling of actually feeling those emotions, not just doing them, is so thrilling. Then there's that need to constantly be on stage. To most it is terrifying, but to me it's infectious. I love having the lights staring down on me, and the way the stage turns into my habitat.
     Being a theatre junky is hard work, but also incredibily fun. Let me tell you the pluses to being in this crazy community. 1) We are all crazy. I mean that 100%. If you ever meet some one into theatre that is bland and "normal," then they either suck at acting, or when they get comfortable with the other junkies they explode. But really, I mean that. 2) Mostly everything you say or do is a theatre reference somehow. Now most would think that gets annoying, but oh no, it's SO fun. It's like making mean girls references with your friends, only better! 3) There is always drama. Imagine drama kids not being dramatic, it just doesn't make sense. Drama most often times is annoying or bad, but we feed on it. Most would say we are attention whores.... most are completely correct. The only downside I can see in being in this incredible community is having to constantly keep track of shows and know songs, and if you're too slow, you basically disgrace the community. This all isn't sounding enticing to you is it?
     Musical theatre is a huge part in my life. From the first step on stage to the last bow, I become my character, and suddenly I am not just Sam Balka.

Music>Us

I Feel It All; Feist

I feel it all I feel it all

I feel it all I feel it all
The wings are wide the wings are wide
Wild card inside wild card inside

Oh I'll be the one who'll break my heart
I'll be the one to hold the gun

I know more than I knew before
I know more than I knew before
I didn't rest I didn't stop
Did we fight or did we talk

Oh I'll be the one who'll break my heart
I'll be the one to hold the gun

I love you more
I love you more
I don't know what I knew before
But now I know I wanna win the war

No one likes to take a test
Sometimes you know more is less
Put your weight against the door
Kick drum on the basement floor
Stranded in a fog of words
Loved him like a winter bird
On my head the water pours
Gulf stream through the open door
Fly away
Fly away to what you want to make

I feel it all, I feel it all
I feel it all I feel it all
The wings are wide, the wings are wide
Wild card inside, wild card inside

Oh I'll be the one to break my heart
I'll be the one who'll break my heart
I'll be the one who'll break my heart
I'll end it thought you started it

The truth lies
The truth lied
And lies divide
Lies divide

     

    

     It's always better to have more than one opinion, right? So I decided to pick a song that I myself love, and see how other people interpret it. I asked my friends, Emma and Meaghan, to listen to the song, and answer a few questions for me. Emma already was a Leslie Feist fan, while Meaghan had never heard of her. Both of them loved the song equally. First I asked the two of them (at different times) how they interpreted the song. Surprisingly, the two answers were remarkably similar. Mind you all songs have many ways you can interpret them, and this particular one is a bit difficult. Emma answered saying this, "I think it’s about a guy, who she [feist] loves, but she’s breaking up with him because he doesn’t even like her." Similarly, Meaghan said, "I think that it's about this girl who loves a guy, and wants to be with him, and she's breaking her own heart because the guy doesn’t love her back." It was interesting to hear them BOTH say this because I had interpreted it differently. Now that I heard them say this, I do see how this can be taken away from the song. But this made me want to ask them more about why they thought this. So I decided to ask Emma and Meaghan their favorite line in the song and why they liked it. After deep thought, Emma answered, "'No one likes to take a test Sometimes you know more is less' because it’s true in real life which makes the song more powerful." I liked this answer because as I've professed before, music is very powerful, and I felt that Emma's answer brought up the other point in saying that the lyrics of a song make it that much more powerful. Meaghan's answer was a bit simpler, though very true. She said, "'Oh I'll be be the one who'll break my heart.' Because it captures the point of the song." When I heard this lyric and the one following it, I was able to make my interpretation on the song. I thought that it was more about Feist going back into an old relationship and saying that she is now wiser and now ready for it.

     It's really interesting to hear how music can be shaped just how you want it to be. The ways I interpreted the songs in the other posts could have easily been wrong, but based on my mood that day and the lyrics, I morphed it to fit me. Next time you listen to a song, try to interpret it yourself. You'll find that not only will it make the song more powerful to you, but the song will most likely lighten your mood or make you feel better. I know I say it so often, but I just can't say it enough; the power of music is greater than we'll ever know.

Free Until They Cut Us Down

Free Until They Cut Me Down; Iron and Wine

     Should there a limit to freedom of speech? The Internet, millions of Americans, and myself, are up in arms about the newest political quarrel known as SOPA (Stop Online Piracy Act). The idea of the act is to protect businesses and rights, but it does just the opposite. Google says the act would, "censor the Web and impose harmful regulations on American business." While the argument is that it would stop piracy and protect business, the repercussions of this act would just out number the advantages. Still not really sure how SOPA could affect you? Do you like reading this blog? Well if the bill passes, I will not be able to be posting lyrics, videos, pictures, or anything, that do not fully belong to me. If I did, the blog that you are currently reading would be shut down instantaneously. YouTube, Facebook, Tumblr, Google, Wikipedia, and so many other websites would be shut down permanently.

     It's actually a little bit frightening to imagine our First Amendment, freedom of speech, could be violated so easily, by the Government that is supposed to protect it! I decided to attach this song by Iron and Wine called Free Until They Cut Me Down to show that we are free until they tell us we aren't, and that is why we have to do everything possible to stop them from telling us we are not free. Comment on this post and tell me what you think about SOPA.

Internet Without A Voice

Creepin' In Just Like an Itch

Creator; Santogold

Got no need for the fancy things
All the attention that it brings
Tell me no, I say yes, I was chosen
And I will deliver the explosion

Can't say it's gonna get me far
Do no good to say what you are
I run the streets and I break up houses
River runs deep and the flame devours it

Me, I'm a Creator
Thrill is to make it up
The rules I break got me a place
Up on the radar
Me, I'm a Taker
Know what the stakes are
Can't roll it back, it's understood
Got to play our cards

Me, I'm a Creator
Thrill is to make it up
The rules I break got me a place
Up on the radar
Me, I'm a Taker
Know what the stakes are
Can't roll it back, it's understood
Got to play our cards

Sit tight I know what you are
mad bright but you ain't no star
polish up til you make it gleam
your M.O, I know what you mean
Tail ridin' and I know it's true
while they screamin' I love you
Down deep you know there aint no flow
a soul decay, was D.O.A

I know what you here for now
Words out you're an idea whore though,
now don't you crush on me
I'll see you in your pipe dreams
whether or not you know it's true
You're who they dictate to
That shit must hurt real bad
fakin' what you wish you had

Me, I'm a Creator
Thrill is to make it up
The rules I break got me a place
Up on the radar
Me, I'm a Taker
Know what the stakes are
Can't roll it back, it's understood
Got to play our cards

Here all the folks come ask about me
Band wagon, know they used to doubt me
Blind side tend to hit real hard
you should heed the warning, get a body guard
Steady friction in this bitch
Creepin' in just like an itch
so far I got the last laugh
still the rich rise up, still I live fast
wouldn't know it face to face
Got no soul and got no taste
Moving in speed up the pace
I got it locked though, what a waste
All the talk is standard fare
Walk the walk if it gets you there
on the grind til the gig is up
Im 'a smash 'em down
put a muzzle on them like "what!"

Me, I'm a Creator
Thrill is to make it up
The rules I break got me a place
Up on the radar
Me, I'm a Taker
Know what the stakes are
Can't roll it back, it's understood
Got to play our cards


     Santogold is pure creativity, and as the youngsters would say nowadays, "She's quite dope." I myself am far from a fan of hip-hop, rap, and oftentimes pop. While having this hip-hop/rap genre about her, Santogold does not portray mainstream. She elicits a sense of strength and fierceness through her music; an essential to good music. This song is a favorite of mine, and I love the message. In a weird, sort of uncanny way, she says that the world would be nothing without creativity, and creativity can't be done without stretching the limits, and testing the rules.

     I read an article recently that actually said that in this day and age, having an MFA was more useful than many other degrees. In other words, this is the generation of creativity. (If I could find the article I would attach it, but I'm having trouble finding it again!)  In the chorus Santogold sings, "Me, I'm a creator, thrill is to make it up, the rules I break got me a place." This was the first time I looked at the lyrics and saw what she really said, and these lyrics just seem to be sticking to me. I'm taking these words as this:, "In order to be creative, you have to push back standards and rules." Being an extremely expressive person, I find that idea to be quite titillating. I mean were taught rules in school, at home, basically everywhere. Do a lot of these rules prevent our minds from thinking as far and wide as humanly possible? One of my favorite icons, Marilyn Monroe once said, "If I'd observed all the rules, I would never have got anywhere." Many of the rules we learn are meant to be stretched or tested. If not we would be living in a cookie cutter world. I am not writing this to suggest that we start an outbreak on rules, but to suggest that we should always strive to find new limits and test boundaries in social norms, in science, and in our own minds. The ability to learn and teach is important, but the ability to create and accept is a pure gift.

Those Lies I Hide Behind My Kamera

Kamera; Wilco

I need a camera to my eye
To my eye, reminding
Which lies I have been hiding
which echoes belong
I've counted out days
to see how far
I've driven in the dark
with echoes in my heart

Phone my family, tell them I'm lost
on the sidewalk
and, no, it's not OK

I smashed a camera
I wanna know why
To my eye deciding
which lies i have been hiding
Which echoes belong
I'm counting on
a heart I know by heart
to walk me through this war
Memories distort

Phone my family, tell them I'm lost
on the sidewalk
and, no, it's not OK

I've counted out
and no one knows how far
I've driven in the dark
with echoes in my heart

Phone my family, tell them I'm lost
Yeah, I'm lost
and, no, it's not OK
    
     I happened to stumble over this song just yesterday, and I thought, this would be a great time to show my my wonderful affinity forphotography! The song is really beautiful, and the words give it something extra wonderful. The song has two meanings for me: the way photography lets you go into a different world, and pretending things are okay.
     I'm going to start with the latter, only because I want to end on a light note (for once). The most common lie in the world is, "I'm fine," or, "I'm okay." I love the chorus in this song where it says, "and, no, it's not OK." I mean, have you ever just felt terrible, and when someone asks you if you're okay you just say yes? Did you ever realize that you just say yes because you don't want to bore them? Personally, I start to feel scared to tell people because I get worried that they'll think that I'm being annoying, and I'll ultimately feel worse. The song just sounds very real and honest which makes me somehow feel stronger.
     Quite clearly one of the meanings of this song is the way photography makes this band feel. Ever since I've gotten into photography, I haven't been able to stop. I was able to create art in a new way, and it felt amazing to me. Not only that, but I felt like I could seek a world that wasn't mine through my lens. The song expresses this too, but Wilco uses a camera to see their reality, not fantasy. I found that interesting. I mean, I had never thought of using my camera to seek reality, but when I thought about, I guess I sometimes look through my lens in hopes to see if I can find what I hadn't been able to before. Though I guess a picture speaks a thousand words, the moments while looking through that lens are what speak to me the most.
    

Finding the Meaning to the Meaningless

What You Know; Two Door Cinema Club

In a few weeks, I will get time

To realize it's right before my eyes
And I can take it, if it's what I want to do

I am leaving, this is starting
To feel like it's right before my eyes
And I can taste it, it's my sweet beginning

And I can tell just what you want
You don't want to be alone
You don't want to be alone

And I can't say it's what you know
But you've known it the whole time
Yeah, you've known it the whole time

Maybe next year I'll have no time
To think about the questions to address
Am I the one to try to stop the fire?

I wouldn't test you
I'm not the best you could have attained
Why try anything?
I will get there, just remember I know

And I can tell just what you want
You don't want to be alone
You don't want to be alone

And I can't say it's what you know
But you've known it the whole time
Yeah, you've known it the whole time

And I can tell just what you want
You don't want to be alone
You don't want to be alone

And I can't say it's what you know
But you've known it the whole time
Yeah, you've known it the whole time

    

     My end of the week blog is here to help myself sum up this whirlwind of a week. The song I chose to help me do this, was What You Know by Two Door Cinema Club. I really love this song. Its lyrics and awesome beat make it an amazing song. One of the problems professed by the band in this song is just the need to think, or the amount of things to think about. Thinking can be one the most dangerous things to our mind. Not because it can cause an eruption because of too many things being processed (though it seems that happens quite often), but because when we entertain a thought in our minds, we continue to entertain it; we never can let go of it with ease. It just stays there, and sometimes it gnarls at the inner most points of your soul until you can't help but screaming.

     Did you ever notice that when you think and think, your thoughts rarely amount to something? They just stay there dormant for awhile? Or maybe in the end you find that what you had been thinking about was meaningless or had no true answer to it? It's these types of things that cause us stress and eventually defeat us. Just today I was in my Spanish class when I was asked how I was for a warm-up. I thought about it for a moment, and just found nothing. I felt nothing. I had realized that I had been thinking too much, that I had just felt like I was in a fog. It was as if all day I was going through my routine, not thinking, not even being aware of my day. My brain was just burned out, so therefore I was too. I had gotten home after all of this, and just felt like I needed to cry. There was no reason, after all, I hadn't been able to think, and my day wasn't even that bad. But whatever was still left in my thoughts from days before, made me feel like I was going to break down and just scream. Unfortunately, there is no way to escape thinking. It's inevitable. As far as stopping yourself from feeling like I had felt today, I do not know of a way to escape it, but if you do, please let me in on your secret! 

     The song is analyzing the situation of two people, and whether they're in love or not. Two Door Cinema Club seems to have come to accept that they're thoughts were going to take a bit to process, but first they'll have to think of other things first, "In a few weeks, I will get time, to realize it's right before my eyes." To me they're saying to themselves what I can't: Let me take my time so I don't stress out over this. It seems that my mind is my worst enemy, and I feel impelled to constantly evoke it, even when I don't want to.

Rebuilding Destinations that Don't Exist

We Will Make a Song Destroy; Rogue Wave

Digital campfire
Spinning the sonnets
I get it so often

Well they sold me out
And called me a liar
How can I get up again?

How'd you get so soured?
May I remind you
You bathe in what I make

Your ability is worn out
Objective expired
Well, I'll keep you meter-maided
I'll keep you meter-maided
I'll keep you meter-maided
I'll keep you meter-maided

Dir-ah, dir-ah, dir-ah, dir-ah
Dir-ah, dir-ah, dir-ah, dir-ah

[Chorus]
We will make a song destroy
We will make a song destroy
We will make a song destroy
We will make a song destroy

Can't evolve past
Certain notes
No one knows me
You should know
Paint it all with
Certain strokes
Save us all with
Folks who know

To know

[Chorus]

Destroy
Destroy

    

     Ah yes, the beauty in discovering a new fresh band who's fun, meaningful, and downright good. Nothing peeves me off more like rap and pop artists who write their music about sex and other meaningless things. Though the argument can be made that some of the musicians I listen to sing about completely random things or things that are hard to interpret (making them stupid), but I would easily disagree and say that is what makes it so special, because it becomes the song I want it to be. Now today's blog post is going to be focused on my anger and desperation for life right now. I chose this song because based on today's mood, which is edging on bipolar, I interpreted the song to be angry in a subtle, civilized, somewhat happy manner. If that doesn't sound like a bipolar mood to you, I don't know what will.
     I love the amount of thoughts it brings up for me, and these three lines seem to sum up my desperation incredibly, "Can't evolve past; certain notes; no one knows me." It's basically three different ideas that were just spewed, but every one of them are equally important.
     "Can't evoke past:" Lately I've been thinking about my past. Whether if it was thinking about past relationships, past friendships, or the memories of those who are now only a part of my past. It seems that I've just been wishing to go back and change things, or go back to a place I trusted and was comfortable. For example I miss being ignorant about how excruciating death is, and how difficult it is to lose someone who just added to your happiness. I seem to be wondering if as you lose more and more people that make you happy, if you slowly become more and more miserable, and that's what scares me.
     "Certain notes:” Even though this is such a short line, it means something so large. I guess right now I'm interpreting it like the making of a song. With just the perfect notes you can create beautifully music, but if one note isn't right, it makes the whole song wrong, and I guess that's how life feels to me. My life seems a bit out of tune, like one egg went bad and now the batter is ruined. Sometimes I'm the egg, sometimes I'm not, but I seem to always be in that batch.
     "No one knows me:" For the first time ever, I feel like I haven't said everything on my mind and ranted to one of my friends. I guess I kind of feel like it has been my job to listen, and when I need to talk, no one is able to listen back. This has been a really hard time in my life for so many reasons, some that I haven't even told anyone before, and it just makes me feel alone. It seems as if no one knows me right now, but I just know them, and maybe it's been like this my whole life and I've just never really noticed it. But now it's clear, and now I just question how much longer it can go on for. Silence can only go on for so long, and there's a point where Lao Tzu is wrong, silence is not always a source of great strength.

For the Tiniest Moment, It's All Not True...

You Could Be Happy; Snow Patrol

   

Mémoire, L'amour et Autres Tueurs

 La Petite Mort; Coeur de Pirate         

Adieu; Coeur de Pirate                      

Comme De Enfants; Coeur de Pirates

Francis; Coeur de Pirate                    

     There's something beautiful about French music, especially that of Coeur de Pirate. I decided that for her particular music I didn't want to put up the lyrics or translations of her songs. They're really amazing, but what draws me to Coeur de Pirate (translated to Pirate Heart) is the sound in her music, and the French. I also wanted you to be able to do what I do with the songs, and use the opportunity to create your own words to it. Whatever your mood is, just let it flow like she does. The four songs I chose were my favorites of hers: La Petite Mort, Adieu, Comme de Enfantes, and Francis. Listen to each song, and I would truly be surprised if you didn't find the language and the music to be extra beautiful to your heart.

     I seem to be somewhat engrossed with different cultures and the different elements each one has to offer. France is extremely cool to me, and it's interesting because I have less of an interest in going there, than I do to just know the culture. I value France's unique aspects more than anything. Between the art, the fashion, and the cute little towns they have, France seems like a fantasy culture to me. One day soon I think I'll go live there for a bit. Doesn't that sound quaint to you?

     Let’s get back to this wonderful artist, shall we? Coeur de Pirate's melodious French skips out of her heart like pebbles on a lake. The words that may just be sounds to you are the words my heart made up to me. This is why Coeur de Pirates songs silence my thought screaming mind, and activate my tired beating heart. For now I say Adieu, but you will see me soon again....